Holidays

Well waht can I say? Holidays a happy time of relaxation... I can't say I have made much progress but it's not like anyone cares anyway. I should be enjoying myself withch I am on ocasion but honestly this same emptyness still hants me so I just wonder on the same as always. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all...

Free From Life

FREE FROM LIFE ©

Striving for the best, trying so hard, all I do I try to impress, the ones who keep judging me. Striving to achieve, the things I fight, ill live out the rest, every day and night. But now I am calm, hart at rest, I’m finally free from these chains, there broken into pieces.

Broken pieces lie here, so cold but I couldn’t care, I’m finally free! I can breath life, all the things again, I am finally free!

Waiting for so long, I have forgotten what I’ve done, where I’m supposed to be, it’s all a mystery. Not knowing what I have, not knowing what I’ve got, I thought about it so many days ago, I thought about it a lot. Nothing I can remember, but now I’m free, what dose it mean?

Broken pieces lie here, so cold but I couldn’t care, I’m finally free! I can breath life, all the things again, I am finally free!

I’m finally free, from these chains, the bleeding has stopped, and my soul can heal. Although it’s strange, not having to fight, it’s alright, but the regret is still hurting me. This change is all so new, I don’t know what to do, but I’m free now so please tell me. What am I supposed to do, with these broken chains?

I am finally free!

The following above is a copyright © of J.N.Oosthuizen

Demo

http://kiwi6.com/file?id=w776xweycl

This is the demo for the song Bullets and Broken Glass witch i wrote a while ago,i apoligize for the bad audio quality.

Tell Me

TELL ME ©

I just don’t understand, why would you do this to me, I can’t get my head straight, tell me what you mean. I’m so cold, I can’t feel the pain right now, and it’s fading away into another day. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, why I can’t get it right, and all this time I couldn’t see, that’s the truth because I’ve had enough and I’m giving up.

Tell me do you think it’s funny; tell me what you’re feeling, because I know I’ve been down this road before. Tell me the truth, this damn game is hurting me, I can’t believe you couldn’t just tell me the truth. Why do you put me through this, I’ve had enough and now I’m done.

I always worried I would die alone, be left here all on my own, I have broken the past to many times; I can’t pick up the pieces because the cuts are running dry. This pain is too much to bear, it just tears me apart, until there’s nothing left and I’m so upset. I just wish I hadn’t fallen in, I can’t get back up, and my legs are broken, along with my heart.

Tell me do you think it’s funny; tell me what you’re feeling, because I know I’ve been down this road before. Tell me the truth, this damn game is hurting me, I can’t believe you couldn’t just tell me the truth. Why do you put me through this, I’ve had enough and now I’m done.

I can’t even go back, to a memory of you and me. I don’t ever want to, I’m done with you. I’m a choice for life, so if it’s not your then please just tell me, save me this pain.

Tell me do you think it’s funny; tell me what you’re feeling, because I know I’ve been down this road before. Tell me the truth, this damn game is hurting me, I can’t believe you couldn’t just tell me the truth. Why do you put me through this, I’ve had enough and now I’m done.

The following above is a copyright © of J.N.Oosthuizen

16 Years Ago

16 Years ago today i was born into a hard crule world, I'd just like to say thank you to all those special people in my life who have made it worth living. I am unable to say how grateful i am for everything you have done, words are just words but none could show how much i love you all. Thank you...

Stephanie

STEPHANIE ©

Stephanie can’t you see what I’m saying; I just hope you’ll understand. I ain’t got much to give to you, but all I’m saying is that I am. The one who wants to be with you and I hope one day ill pull through. Because one day is all I need to tell you how I feel.

No I can’t take this anymore, it just hurts so bad. No I can’t take this anymore; I just makes me feel so sad. I want to shout out to the world, weather the care or not. Stephanie please tell me, how you want me to be.

I could give you half of my heart, but it’s the whole that I give you. I can’t keep it back away, please just let me stay. Whether you break me down or build me up, I can never be enough, I can’t explain what I’m saying, I just wanted to let you know.

No I can’t take this anymore, it just hurts so bad. No I can’t take this anymore; I just makes me feel so sad. I want to shout out to the world, weather the care or not. Stephanie please tell me, how you want me to be.

If time was an object would you let it fly away with me, if I was alone would be with me. All I ever wanted was to let you know; all this time I didn’t know how to show.

No I can’t take this anymore, it just hurts so bad. No I can’t take this anymore; I just makes me feel so sad. I want to shout out to the world, weather the care or not. Stephanie please tell me, how you want me to be.

The following above is a copyright © of J.N.Oosthuizen

Demo

http://kiwi6.com/file?id=5gw6y2z600

This is a demo for the song Stephanie witch i am writing, a apoligize for the bad quality.

Love The Rain

LOVE THE RAIN ©

If I had all the wealth and money in the world, I could never compare to you alone. If I could know how many grains of sand, were in this cruel world, the knowledge would be nothing without you. I’d do anything to be with you now, just standing here alone underneath the clouds.

And the rain will pour down on me, each drop not enough to express how I feel, the days go by so little done, but all the time now has gone. I will be here forever, in regret, I’m so upset I couldn’t tell you how I feel.

If I had fame beyond anyone else, that would send me to all I desired, nothing really would matter, and without you none of it would make sense. Don’t you see I just want to be with you, it’s all I ever wanted in my life. I just want to see you smile when you’re with me, because you will always mean so much to me.

And the rain will pour down on me, each drop not enough to express how I feel, the days go by so little done, but all the time now has gone. I will be here forever, in regret, I’m so upset I couldn’t tell you how I feel.

Ill give it all up, ill throw it all away, just let me have one chance. Ill give it all up, ill throw it all away, just please let me stay. Ill give it all up, ill throw it all away, just as long as you hear me say, ill give it all up, ill give it all away if you just let me see you for a day.

And the rain will pour down on me, each drop not enough to express how I feel, the days go by so little done, but all the time now has gone. I will be here forever, in regret, I’m so upset I couldn’t tell you how I feel.

The following above is a copyright © of J.N.Oosthuizen

Work is work

Well it's November and that means end of year exams for me. Going to just be work work and more work for a while so sorry that ill be bussy till December 3rd. Striving for good marks in English and Geography.

Bullets and Broken Glass

BULLETS AND BROKEN GLASS ©

Before I say my last farewell, I give a soft wish to you, I don’t think what you’re doing is right, but knowing you won’t go down without a fight. So many years have gone by, I miss your smile and it makes me cry, I just wish I could see you again, please tell me you’ll stay for a while.

If I could change anything, I wouldn’t have let you go, if I could change anything, I would have let you know. How I wish you would just come home again, but it’s too late to bring you back, and I know you’ll live on in my heart. For one more day I will pray, just to see you again, someday I will, my love.

I can’t believe I let you go so easily, out of my reach and my control. The skies are bleached in shades or red, I can’t bring you back now. All I wish is if I had a chance to say goodbye, before you had left. I beg and plead to see you again for just one more day.

If I could change anything, I wouldn’t have let you go, if I could change anything, I would have let you know. How I wish you would just come home again, but it’s too late to bring you back, and I know you’ll live on in my heart. For one more day I will pray, just to see you again, someday I will, my love.

I don’t want to believe what they have said; I know the truth can’t be you’re gone, you promised to come back home safe again, but I guess you always knew you couldn’t keep it for me. The truth only lies within me; I just wish you were here beside me again.

If I could change anything, I wouldn’t have let you go, if I could change anything, I would have let you know. How I wish you would just come home again, but it’s too late to bring you back, and I know you’ll live on in my heart. For one more day I will pray, just to see you again, someday I will, my love.

Please come home to me.

The following above is a copyright © of J.N.Oosthuizen

Careless Pain

CARELESS PAIN ©

I am tired of this, there people are so heartless, and a careless pain washes through my soul. I have poured out to you, everything I am, and I gave you my heart and asked for you to please not break it. But instead you decided to smash it to pieces, now what’s left isn’t even worth picking up.

I’m so sick of it all I just want to give in. there is nothing left inside of me. All this hate that I shout all this pain that’s I bleed, is now all a faded memory. Finally I say, finally I say, finally I say you’re not helping me. So leave me alone, just go away, don’t help me now, I won’t live in yesterday.

So I could say how I feel now, it wouldn’t change a thing; they say it’s never too late, but it’s the first mistake. I try to be as good as I can, living each day again and again; living to what I’m told so not let the chaos unfold. But I don’t care anymore because it’s broken now and I can’t pick up the pieces.

I’m so sick of it all I just want to give in. there is nothing left inside of me. All this hate that I shout all this pain that’s I bleed, is now all a faded memory. Finally I say, finally I say, finally I say you’re not helping me. So leave me alone, just go away, don’t help me now, I won’t live in yesterday.

If there was a cure for this disease, it would make life pointless, living out the same as before, turning back time and rolling on the floor. But now I don’t care anymore, I can’t stand to see you again, because when I do it fills me with sadness and pain. I say goodbye, goodbye again, for good I leave you so I can heal again.

I’m so sick of it all I just want to give in. there is nothing left inside of me. All this hate that I shout all this pain that’s I bleed, is now all a faded memory. Finally I say, finally I say, finally I say you’re not helping me. So leave me alone, just go away, don’t help me now, I won’t live in yesterday.

The following above is a copyright © of J.N.Oosthuizen

Time After Forever

TIME AFTER FOREVER ©

Remembering when lives were lost, at what cost did they suffer the end, like going on each day inside they seek, someone whom they could call a friend. So many days wasted away, so many lives lost in a pointless struggle; I can’t carry on like this. Someday after forever.

I just hope one day they will see the better side of things and how they should have been. I just hope one day they will see, the mistakes they made will live on in us. The times that passed after forever, we will live on after forever.

Still remembering when they died for us, how much they sacrificed, looking around only to find, life was pointless after all. How long it has been, how long they have not seen, how they fought on for hardly a reason at all. I just want to stay here in this place. Someday after forever.

I just hope one day they will see the better side of things and how they should have been. I just hope one day they will see, the mistakes they made will live on in us. The times that passed after forever, we will live on after forever.

I’m running out of time, it’s all to close to the end, I keep searching for those people who made it really matter. At all I just hope that, there was never an outside fact, the reason I go on and try to be, the best that I can. I will fight to the end, for a reason I am here. Someday after forever.

I just hope one day they will see the better side of things and how they should have been. I just hope one day they will see, the mistakes they made will live on in us. The times that passed after forever, we will live on after forever.

The following above is a copyright © of J.N.Oosthuizen

Photo's

The man him self working hard on his music. The caption for these photo's mainly the 1st is the guitar representing the dark sad depressing music and the open door light showing freedom into the world.

Cages

CAGES ©

I will never forget that day, the many things I saw, I will regret that I couldn’t do anything. I wish I could do more, but I am weak, helpless like the rest of them, living here. I don’t know what to do, I feel like I should’t be here, if only I could help them, I wish I knew what to do.

I can see broken faces; I can see the pain in their eyes, there is little space to stay, living in cages. I hear their voices, echoing in the distance, I walk away now, helpless and useless. They cry out for freedom, they yearn for compassion, they beg for mercy, and what is it like living in cages.

Memories scramble in my head, I feel ashamed that I couldn’t prevent, the pain and suffering they went through. I’m so upset, I can’t carry on like this, it’s so painful to watch them like this. I don’t know what to do, I feel like I shouldn’t be here, if only I could help them, I wish I knew what to do.

I can see broken faces; I can see the pain in their eyes, there is little space to stay, living in cages. I hear their voices, echoing in the distance, I walk away now, helpless and useless. They cry out for freedom, they yearn for compassion, they beg for mercy, and what is it like living in cages.

I should be lucky, that I am free, not trapped behind shaded windows. Society has been cruel, to the ones stuck back there, I can’t help them but if I could, I know I would make things rite. All aside I will try, to help them and in so helping me. I don’t know what to do, I feel like I should’t be here, if only I could help them, I wish I knew what to do.

I can see broken faces; I can see the pain in their eyes, there is little space to stay, living in cages. I hear their voices, echoing in the distance, I walk away now, helpless and useless. They cry out for freedom, they yearn for compassion, they beg for mercy, and what is it like living in cages.

The following above is a copyright © of J.N.Oosthuizen

Stars Beyond The Sky

STARS BEYOND THE SKY ©

Lying here it’s the only place my soul is sound, lying here so cold and softly on the ground, I know that I can see in the distance, shining away from a far, there’s a light that I hold close to my heart, because you are my star beyond the sky. Sometime it hurts I just want to cry.

Like you never knew how I felt at all, you never knew how I was missing you, I feel so sorry that I couldn’t show you, how much I really cared, how much I could have spared to be with you.

Lying here alone for another day passes by, I wait patiently for the day to end, it’s wasting away but I don’t care anymore, just wishing I could spare this pain. The sun sets in the distance, I’m so happy the night breaks through; I can see the stars shining, shining in the sky with you.

Like you never knew how I felt at all, you never knew how I was missing you, I feel so sorry that I couldn’t show you, how much I really cared, how much I could have spared to be with you.

Lying here again like the same way I feel, not much has changed at all, I’m still cold inside but not feeling it anymore, just wishing I could see you. The smaller ones are the ones I see in you, in the distance there far away, the stars so small and burning brightly, I will pass up another day.

Like you never knew how I felt at all, you never knew how I was missing you, I feel so sorry that I couldn’t show you, how much I really cared, how much I could have spared to be with you.

The following above is a copyright © of J.N.Oosthuizen

Beneath Your Shadow

BENEATH YOUR SHADOW ©

Silence is all around me, I can barely breathe, I can’t see anything, I can’t even conceive. The thoughts are painful; there full of lies, all I would like to know, is this real. I can smell the pain, so close to me, a lost reaction, inside of me. The last time I wish, I wish I knew, I’m here for a while, so ill stick with you.

Following close behind you, I don’t want to leave your side, I just wish I could go on, I just want to cry. You were always there to lift me, up and help me though; I don’t know what I would do, if I was without you.

The cold is creeping in, the pain is seeping out, there’s just one thing, and I don’t have a doubt about. It does that ill live it out, everything the same, just living life, everyday in pain. Now I know the time is right, to stand and fight, this pain will not, run my life. I’m here for a while, so ill stick with you.

Following close behind you, I don’t want to leave your side, I just wish I could go on, I just want to cry. You were always there to lift me, up and help me though; I don’t know what I would do, if I was without you.

I was never strong, or ever strong enough, to overcome this pain, I have only myself to blame. All I need is relief, some way to end it all, I sit here in grief, and I just don’t want to fall. This is a thing I, often will repeat, and only now that I can’t hide of deceive. I’m here for a while, so ill stick with you.

Following close behind you, I don’t want to leave your side, I just wish I could go on, I just want to cry. You were always there to lift me, up and help me though; I don’t know what I would do, if I was without you.

The following above is a copyright © of J.N.Oosthuizen

Because It's You

BECAUSE IT’S YOU ©

Because of you, I never knew what it was like, and feel the way I do. Because of you, I never knew I’d feel this way, I just wish you were here right now. Sometimes I wish I’d never met you, but I won’t deny it anymore. You showed me how to look right through and see the better side of me.

So I can’t face it anymore because you’re the only one for me now. So I can’t face it anymore because it’s with you I want to be with now. So I can’t face it anymore because I miss you so much babe. So I can’t face it anymore, no more, no more, no more.

Because of you, now I know that I will always love you. Because of you, now I know I will always be with you. Sometimes I don’t know why, I cry out loud because I miss you so much. Sometimes I beg and plead weather I can be with you. You showed my how to look right through and see the better side of me.

So I can’t face it anymore because you’re the only one for me now. So I can’t face it anymore because it’s with you I want to be with now. So I can’t face it anymore because I miss you so much babe. So I can’t face it anymore, no more, no more, no more.

So for the last time, ill sing to you my love, everything I miss about you. So for the last time, ill sing to you, everything I never told you. My heart is aching, because it’s you I’m missing. Finally I will break through these walls and one day ill see you.

So I can’t face it anymore because you’re the only one for me now. So I can’t face it anymore because it’s with you I want to be with now. So I can’t face it anymore because I miss you so much babe. So I can’t face it anymore, no more, no more, no more.

The following above is a copyright © of J.N.Oosthuizen

Shades Of Grey

SHADES OF GREY ©

As the ash falls from the sky, a thick grey covers the fields, everything is still and sound, I don’t know weather it’s real or not. Everything seems so quiet, asleep without a sound, so calm it all seems, but is any of this real. I don’t know what to say, I’m left standing here, I don’t know what this is, and weather I should be here at all.

The rains will fall down, in shades of grey, this is a place I’ve never seen, and just what dose it all mean. The rains will fall down, in shades of grey, I can’t believe my eyes, is this place filled with truth or lies.

I’m so confused at what I’m seeing, I don’t know what to expect, I’m feeling lost, but the peacefulness is pulling me in. Not a sound in sight, the fields full of grey, the sun still shining bright, I waste the day away. I see something in the distance, a thing I’ve never seen before, a blur of colour, I wonder what I see.

The rains will fall down, in shades of grey, this is a place I’ve never seen, and just what dose it all mean. The rains will fall down, in shades of grey, I can’t believe my eyes, is this place filled with truth or lies.

I see you walking closer, with colours shining all around, I can hear you laughing, and I fall down to the ground. Soon enough I know, your right here next to me, the shades of grey are gone, and I couldn’t believe my eyes. When you are with me, colour fills my life, I can hear every thing clearly, oh baby please don’t leave me.

The rains will fall down, in shades of grey, this is a place I’ve never seen, and just what dose it all mean. The rains will fall down, in shades of grey, I can’t believe my eyes, is this place filled with truth or lies.

I just want you to be with me.

The following above is a copyright © of J.N.Oosthuizen

Becoming What Your Called

BECOMING WHAT YOUR CALLED ©

People call me many things I am not, people judge the way I live my life, soon enough I’m sick of it all, I don’t know who I am anymore. The cruelty of my peers is eating away at me, I can only do one thing to end this suffering, the only way I can live in peace is to live the life I’m called, when there’s nothing left inside, and you become what you’re called.

Resorting to the monster within, I never asked for any of this, all I want is to be alone, don’t call me that because it’s not true. Just because I’m sad sometimes, and depression helps me though my pain, it doesn’t mean you know, what the hell did you just say.

After many days and nights, I’m sick of people judging me, all I want is to be left alone, oh dam it can’t you see. People call me many things, I never knew the needed to, sometimes being what you’re called, and sometimes it can help you through. I will never give in, I’m fighting a losing battle, I’m sick of being called names, so I leave it for another day.

Resorting to the monster within, I never asked for any of this, all I want is to be alone, don’t call me that because it’s not true. Just because I’m sad sometimes, and depression helps me though my pain, it doesn’t mean you know, what the hell did you just say.

I would just go ahead and end it now, but I wouldn’t hurt the ones I love, it would be selfish if I had to go, someone help relief me of this pain. Nothing I do is real anymore, nothing even matters, ill just become what I’m called, so hopefully one day they will leave me alone. Just because I’m different doesn’t give you a fucking right, you’re the one who should be, asking for a chance to make things rite.

Resorting to the monster within, I never asked for any of this, all I want is to be alone, don’t call me that because it’s not true. Just because I’m sad sometimes, and depression helps me though my pain, it doesn’t mean you know, what the hell did you just say.

People call me many things.

The following above is a copyright © of J.N.Oosthuizen

City Streets and Old Friends

CITY STREETS ©

The cold runs through my veins, I’m lying here bleeding, no one is around, and I’m all alone in this place. The dust is settling on my head, comforting thoughts full my head; I’m all alone, bleeding the hate out of me. I’m losing my cares, for others and myself, while I die here alone and for the last time I ask, please leave me alone.

Dieing here tonight, I don’t care anymore, I just wish I could say goodbye, to you for one last time. Dieing here tonight, please relief me of this pain, I’m begging you please, please just leave me alone.

These streets are filled with hate, if there’s anything wrong it’s me, I don’t in luck or fate, dieing slowly in pain. It’s too late to change now, all I can do is beg and plead, all I want is this pain to end, please help me die quickly.

Dieing here tonight, I don’t care anymore, I just wish I could say goodbye, to you for one last time. Dieing here tonight, please relief me of this pain, I’m begging you please, please just leave me alone.

I don’t care how I live anymore, I’m not going to live on anyway, someone please just end it all, and suffering has been unkind to me. Sadness and regret full my heart, I try to cover the wound that bleeds, how the heart still keeps going, out this hateful blood I bleed. 

Dieing here tonight, I don’t care anymore, I just wish I could say goodbye, to you for one last time. Dieing here tonight, please relief me of this pain, I’m begging you please, please just leave me alone.

Please just let it all end.

The following above is a copyright © of J.N.Oosthuizen

OLD FRIENDS ©

I have forgotten your voice, I have forgotten your love, what happened to those times we had, they weren’t great but they weren’t so bad. Some were good and others were great, but I still stuck with you, my love and my friend, I need you in my life, more than you’ll ever know.

All I ever wanted was for you to see, someday I will know, all I wanted was to say, that baby I love you. Someday I hope, someday I plead, and I hope to see you again, because I lost my love and lost my best friend.

Please give me another chance, to see you again, I don’t have anyone left, you’re the only one for me. I’m not asking for much, I can’t give you anything more; I can’t give you a guarantee. So baby please open your eyes and see.

All I ever wanted was for you to see, someday I will know, all I wanted was to say, that baby I love you. Someday I hope, someday I plead, and I hope to see you again, because I lost my love and lost my best friend.

I can never go back to you, because I know you don’t want me, you found someone else; I can’t believe I never even knew. I don’t know what I did wrong, I don’t know what you want from me, I’m just begging you now, to open your eyes and see.

All I ever wanted was for you to see, someday I will know, all I wanted was to say, that baby I love you. Someday I hope, someday I plead, and I hope to see you again, because I lost my love and lost my best friend.

The following above is a copyright © of J.N.Oosthuizen

Spaces Between Raindrops

SPACES BETWEEN RAINDROPS ©

The clouds hover above my head, the thunder crashes down on me; the emptiness is all around me again. I wonder the streets alone, the only one outside, in this time the rain pours down on me. The shadows are darker than before, the sit there watching me, with blank expressions on there face, and they stop and stare.

Walking alone, it’s all I ever do, walking alone, is what I live out this life for. By myself again I’m all alone; the shadows will follow in mind, as I leave them all behind.

As I wonder the streets, I wonder about the small things, like the shadows how they live out each day. How the spaces between raindrops fall away, how I could stand alone just to live another day. This place seems so cold; the shades of grey start to unfold like a spilt blood of my soul.

Walking alone, it’s all I ever do, walking alone, is what I live out this life for. By myself again I’m all alone; the shadows will follow in mind, as I leave them all behind.

I try to look away from them, there eyes are eating away at me; I have to run away from this place. There are more than before now, following me down the street, I stand ready to face them off. This is the last time I will stand, please hold my hand but I’m alone, just alone I will stand.

Walking alone, it’s all I ever do, walking alone, is what I live out this life for. By myself again I’m all alone; the shadows will follow in mind, as I leave them all behind.

Is this the end of me…

The following above is a copyright © of J.N.Oosthuizen

Cayleigh and Love Is A Headache

CAYLEIGH ©

Hey Cayleigh do you remember how we met, I was chatting to my friends on the internet. You said hi and I said hey soon enough we were on our way. I talked about you and you talked about me, oh Cayleigh how I miss your smile. If there was ever a day when you use to say hi, I’d always stay for a while.

Cayleigh you don’t know how important you are to me, oh Cayleigh I just wish you would see, Cayleigh please just stay and chat for a while because the truth is I love to see you smile.

Cayleigh if only you could see your face right now, I can’t believe I never had you in my life until right now. Cayleigh don’t you see the world is a wonderful place to be,

And without you I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t know what to do. Cayleigh please don’t go now because I know ill miss you, I sure as hell will miss you.

Cayleigh you don’t know how important you are to me, oh Cayleigh I just wish you would see, Cayleigh please just stay and chat for a while because the truth is I love to see you smile.

Cayleigh if only I could see, the light that shines outside, it shines with some pride for you alone. Cayleigh if only I could visit you everyday, it’s hard to explain but I know you know what I mean. Cayleigh please just visit me one day, I know it’s far away but ill try my best for you.

Cayleigh you don’t know how important you are to me, oh Cayleigh I just wish you would see, Cayleigh please just stay and chat for a while because the truth is I love to see you smile.

The following above is a copyright © of J.N.Oosthuizen

LOVE IS A HEADACHE ©

My mind is lacking in thoughts, an empty pain fills my soul, I can’t think of anything important anymore. My head is pounding in itself, I can’t remember anything, and the pain is too much to bear on my own now. I just want this all to end, all I wanted was a friend, but I killed off all the good things I had made.

I can’t stand to be away from you like this, I can’t stand alone anymore, I can’t stand the fact that I feel this pain, I know that I can’t stand here without you babe. I just want this headache to end, I just want this pain to go, I just want to be with you babe, so please let me go.

This pain well never give me a break, I wish I didn’t have so much at stake, I don’t know what to do anymore. My heart is pumping theses shades of grey through my veins, my migraine is driving me insane, please I beg and please I cry lift me from this suffering, into the sky.

I can’t stand to be away from you like this, I can’t stand alone anymore, I can’t stand the fact that I feel this pain, I know that I can’t stand here without you babe. I just want this headache to end, I just want this pain to go, I just want to be with you babe, so please let me go.

I have to leave now before it’s too late, I have to see you one last time, and I just beg you for the last time ever again. I love you with all my heart, but this pain will never leave me, so please I ask to see you for one more day. I know there is no cure, and I feel like its pointless, but everything has a meaning and you mean everything to me.

I can’t stand to be away from you like this, I can’t stand alone anymore, I can’t stand the fact that I feel this pain, I know that I can’t stand here without you babe. I just want this headache to end, I just want this pain to go, I just want to be with you babe, so please let me go.

The following above is a copyright © of J.N.Oosthuizen

Sounds Of Silence

SOUNDS OF SILENCE ©

I can hear it now as if it was only yesterday, I can hear the sounds that eco away, funny how a term can always contradict it self. I can heat the sound, the sound that few hear, and the sound that empties my mind and fills me with fear. The sound of silence will soon disappear.

I can only imagine what it must be like, I can only imagine the less pain I will feel. I can only imagine the silence booming like an eco in the distance so tell me now, so tell me now and relief me of this pain.

My ears are bleeding now, without a feeling or a sound, I’m falling through the air then hit the ground. This pain will never leave me, always here right beside me, in the place where you once stood. I can hear the pain again, it bleeds a pale red, all I ask is some pills to slow things right the way down.

I can only imagine what it must be like, I can only imagine the less pain I will feel. I can only imagine the silence booming like an eco in the distance so tell me now, so tell me now and relief me of this pain.

Finally there is a day, I have prayed every night just hoping for something, I can’t wait for this all to be over. There is no cure for my insecurities, I will risk it all and everything, this is just a hope I built years of dreams on. There is no cure for this disease, this pain that bleeds inside of me. 

I can only imagine what it must be like, I can only imagine the less pain I will feel. I can only imagine the silence booming like an eco in the distance so tell me now, so tell me now and relief me of this pain.

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The Darkness Of Light

THE DARKNESS OF LIGHT ©

An early morning is rising, in this world witch we call home, as the darkness lifts away in the distance, the light shines brightly in the open. Everything seems backwards now, it all doesn’t make any sense, all I wanted was to hide in a shadow and pretend I didn’t exist.

It’s the regret in my life, the pain inside of me, the suffering I bear, I have nothing left to spare. It’s the darkness I embrace, a blank expression subsides in me, the expression on my face, will tell you everything about me.

Higher and higher into the sky, the sun bears down, burning away the shadows, leaving none in its path. I can’t run away forever, I am bound by chains, inside my heart, is where I store away the pain. I believe on day that I will be saved, but I will runaway and save it for another day.

It’s the regret in my life, the pain inside of me, the suffering I bear, I have nothing left to spare. It’s the darkness I embrace, a blank expression subsides in me, the expression on my face, will tell you everything about me.

Finally the day has come, I’ve waited many years for this, but what I receive that’s my own, I don’t think I want to miss. I don’t deserve anything, or fell compelled to receive, your forgiveness fills me up, with a lost hope I had hoped for. I can carry on with so pride; I seek happiness inside and now for the last time.

It’s the regret in my life, the pain inside of me, the suffering I bear, I have nothing left to spare. It’s the darkness I embrace, a blank expression subsides in me, the expression on my face, will tell you everything about me.

The following above is a copyright © of J.N.Oosthuizen

Another Picture I Drew

This is another picture i drew, this time with a caption, i'd say a broken heart is more like a heart with a zip because i believe even after all the pain and suffering we go through in life, we can always fix a broken heart. Life has it's up's and downs, like the zip it's constantly changing, like the clothes we wear. //_^

Days Pass Us By

DAYS PASS US BY ©

Living each day, everything seems the same, the same old routine, what dose it all mean. I pass by hundreds of peers, recognize only a few, seeing there faces smile without a care in the world. The noises I hear are just a blur, left over from another busy day, but all I want to say is.

I don’t know; what to do anymore, I don’t know how to live this life alone. And I fell, like I’m trapped inside, I don’t know what to do, all I need is you. To make me feel like I can be free again.

Time goes one, with our hope, all that’s left, as I turn away from the rest. I want to change, not be the same, each day I live on this life it just doesn’t seem rite. All I want to do in life, is be remembered for who I am, no one else could ever take this away from me now.

I don’t know; what to do anymore, I don’t know how to live this life alone. And I fell, like I’m trapped inside, I don’t know what to do, all I need is you. To make me feel like I can be free again.

Everyday the same old story goes on and on, I wish I was strong enough, to hold on. Just for a while longer, I wish I was stronger, so I could live this though, and then it’ll be just me and you. Finally the day will come again, when we are together again, without a care in the world, as the days pass us by.

I don’t know; what to do anymore, I don’t know how to live this life alone. And I fell, like I’m trapped inside, I don’t know what to do, all I need is you. To make me feel like I can be free again.

The days will pass us by.

The following above is a copyright © of J.N.Oosthuizen

When Yesterday Was Tomorrow

WHEN YESTERDAY WAS TOMORROW ©

Days just pass by everyone without a care like anyone ever cared before, wasted away like dust between the shadows that are all around us, but we never seem to notice. I can remember when people always used to look forward to the life that they had, then there were the few who looked back and the past living in regret, please tell me do you see a difference.

Today or tomorrow dose it really matter anymore, we all think we know where were going but what dose it all mean. Today is our tomorrow, weather we like it or not, but who are the few who remembered yesterday.

As the times fade away in themselves I feel so selfish for wasting so much of it, I can’t believe how foolish I was to think I could ever be anything else but me. Now I know it is my responsibility to be who I should and if I won’t do it I know nobody else in this world would.

Today or tomorrow dose it really matter anymore, we all think we know where were going but what dose it all mean. Today is our tomorrow, weather we like it or not, but who are the few who remembered yesterday.

Everyone thinks these times will end weather things become better or worse, no one seems to care anymore. Others start to feel insecure in the lives they live, like it’s never going to end but the few who look back and start living in the past, like a relapse in itself, please tell me do you see a difference.

Today or tomorrow dose it really matter anymore, we all think we know where were going but what dose it all mean. Today is our tomorrow, whether we like it or not, but who are the few who remembered yesterday.

The following above is a copyright © of J.N.Oosthuizen

A Picture I Drew

This is a picture I drew today, i was really boared in Art with our teacher absent i drew this picture. It has no caption but i think it's cool anyway :)

Remember Who I am

REMEMBER WHO I AM ©

I can’t feel it anymore, I can’t remember what it was like, all I have left of me inside, is a hope that is all on its own. The clouds they show it all, the rain that pounds down on the earth, the cold is creeping in, like the aching in my heart. Now all that’s left for me, is time to open up the skies and one day finally remember one day who I used to be. 

It’s just me but I don’t want to be alone, this life it’s all I have and one day I hope I can remember. It’s just me but I don’t want to be alone, this life is all I have, I hope one day I can remember who I am.

I have lost everything; it’s all a mystery, while I fade away in misery. I just hope that someday soon you will come and show me how I’m meant to be. If only I could remember, if only you would please help me, I’m lost and scared because I don’t know, who I’m meant to be anymore.

It’s just me but I don’t want to be alone, this life it’s all I have and one day I hope I can remember. It’s just me but I don’t want to be alone, this life is all I have, I hope one day I can remember who I am.

It feels so strange, this is the only thing I feel, I can’t remember anything like I’m lost within myself. With no one here, no one to remind me, who I am, who am I, I wish I only knew. Without my memories, without you in my life, I’ve lost my entire identity. Now all that’s left is a man, without a name and it’s driving me insane.

It’s just me but I don’t want to be alone, this life it’s all I have and one day I hope I can remember. It’s just me but I don’t want to be alone, this life is all I have, I hope one day I can remember who I am.

The following above is a copyright © of J.N.Oosthuizen

When I Was Young and Forgiveness From Myself

WHEN I WAS YOUNG ©

When I was young, I use to be, like no one really ever noticed me. Then I met you, I made it through, those times where I was never anyone. And now I am, all back again, to those days when I never really had a friend. So many, days wasted, all I want is you to be here with me now.

So carry me now, I will shout out, that we will be together again.

So carry me now, I will shout out, that world will see.

So carry me now, I will shout out, that we can be together again someday.

So carry me now, I will shout out, that things can someday be the same.

When I was young, I use to be like no one really ever noticed me. Playing alone, without a friend, I thought it would really never end. But then I saw, I saw you there, playing like you never had a care. You came to see, you came to me, I knew I knew now I really had a friend.

So carry me now, I will shout out, that we will be together again.

So carry me now, I will shout out, that world will see.

So carry me now, I will shout out, that we can be together again someday.

So carry me now, I will shout out, that things can someday be the same.

When I was young, I use to be, like no one really ever noticed me. Then I met you, I made it through, those times where I was never anyone. And now I am, all back again, to those days when I never really had a friend. So many, days wasted, all I want is you to be here with me now.

So carry me now, I will shout out, that we will be together again.

So carry me now, I will shout out, that world will see.

So carry me now, I will shout out, that we can be together again someday.

So carry me now, I will shout out, that things can someday be the same.

The following above is a copyright © of J.N.Oosthuizen

FORGIVENESS FROM MYSELF ©

I can never say how sorry I am; I can never ask and expect you to understand. All I wanted was my own selfish way, I’m so sorry but I’m not going to stay. I will say I’m sorry because it’s all I can do; all I ask is that before you say that you want to hear.

I can never forgive myself; I can never find it in me. All I want is something from you your forgiveness will help me through. I can never forgive myself, I can hardly breath. So please oh please forgive me.

This regret inside my mind is filling me inside and all I wish is that was here. I should have never left this place alone, never left this place called home. My last wish is that I hope you can forgive me, oh I’m begging you please.

I can never forgive myself; I can never find it in me. All I want is something from you your forgiveness will help me through. I can never forgive myself, I can hardly breath. So please oh please forgive me.

I know nothing bad really happened and nothing went wrong but all I want is to sing you this song. I just wish you could still trust me as much as I love you; all I want to know is if you can say…

I can never forgive myself; I can never find it in me. All I want is something from you your forgiveness will help me through. I can never forgive myself, I can hardly breath. So please oh please forgive me.

Please forgive me so I can forgive myself.

The following above is a copyright © of J.N.Oosthuizen

Gone Fishing

Remember those days where you just drive up to the Berg and go Trout fishing, you catch absolutly nothing but love every second of it anyway beacuse you are there without a care in the world.

Let You Know

LET YOU KNOW ©

This is the last time, I will ever say.  I can’t see strait, I don’t know where I’m going in life. We meet new people everyday, some are here just for a while, but all I’d like to know is weather you’d like to say goodbye before you go.

If the world was any smaller, I’m sure I’d be with you. If my mind was any clearer, I’d tell you the truth. If I had one day left on this earth, I’d say to you. If everything was clearer, I’d let you know.

The times fly by so fast, that sometimes I lose my way alone the lonely road. And everyday without you just bleeds away inside of me. If you didn’t have to leave, if you didn’t have to go, if you weren’t so far away, I know that I would let you know exactly how I feel.

If the world was any smaller, I’m sure I’d be with you. If my mind was any clearer, I’d tell you the truth. If I had one day left on this earth, I’d say to you. If everything was clearer, I’d let you know.

You said to me, if it was true and I said that baby I love you. You asked me if it was ok, that just for a little while longer that you’d like to stay, just for one more day. My heart is aching, I’m sorry that I can’t work things out. I’m so sorry that you have to go.

If the world was any smaller, I’m sure I’d be with you. If my mind was any clearer, I’d tell you the truth. If I had one day left on this earth, I’d say to you. If everything was clearer, I’d let you know.

I’d let you know just how I feel.

The following above is a copyright © of J.N.Oosthuizen

Thinking Of You and Lifetime Of Waiting

THINKING OF YOU ©

Staring at a blank ceiling, so many thoughts are flying through my mind. I’m so alone and so confused, all I hear are echo’s in the distance. The time so slow ticking away before my eyes, I don’t know what to do anymore.

Then I think about you and everything seems to get better in my life. I think about you and wish you here next to me. Then I think about you and I still wonder why I’m here in this place. Oh baby I’m still thinking of you everyday.

I can’t think strait anymore; so many thoughts of life are rushing through my brain. All I see is a blank ceiling; these thoughts are driving me insane. So many things pass me by without a thought and all this time I don’t know what I’ve been missing.

Then I think about you and everything seems to get better in my life. I think about you and wish you here next to me. Then I think about you and I still wonder why I’m here in this place. Oh baby I’m still thinking of you everyday.

Lying here, just lying here. No one but me, no one but me. But I still believe, I still believe. That one day will come and clarify a reason because all I need is a reason. But I know baby you’re the only one for me.

Then I think about you and everything seems to get better in my life. I think about you and wish you here next to me. Then I think about you and I still wonder why I’m here in this place. Oh baby I’m still thinking of you everyday.

You’re my lovely memory.

The following above is a copyright © of J.N.Oosthuizen

LIFETIME OF WAITING ©

This is the day I’ve been waiting for my entire life, I don’t know what to expect. I have a feeling that I never felt before, it fills me up and consumes my soul. My instinct tells me that something’s different; my mind is telling me not to worry anymore. And now I know the time is rite to open up to you.

Life always works in strange way that we can never see. I know now how to say I believe it’s true because I live for you. You are the reason I’m here living out this life, I just I never have to say goodbye again.

It’s been so long I can’t even remember your face; memories have gone and only left emptiness. I hope one day I can live my life for you, do it the way I know you would like me to. And now I know the time is rite to open up to you.

Life always works in strange way that we can never see. I know now how to say I believe it’s true because I live for you. You are the reason I’m here living out this life, I just I never have to say goodbye again.

I don’t know much about you, I just hope you love me all the same because I love you, the pain and aching in my heart runs deep. Deeper than anything before, I just want you to know.

Life always works in strange way that we can never see. I know now how to say I believe it’s true because I live for you. You are the reason I’m here living out this life, I just I never have to say goodbye again.

The following above is a copyright © of J.N.Oosthuizen

Coming Home

COMING HOME ©

Sorrow is now leading to its end of pain and struggle, the end is near and welcomed with open arms. All I ask is not to suffer any more; the end will come soon enough.

Finally one day of happiness, finally the sun shines through. Finally I can say what needs to be said; finally I can return to the place I call home.

In times of war pain and struggle, we fight the battle that wages on. I miss them all so much; I can’t believe how long it’s been. Now I’m on my way back, to return to this place I’ve been missing all these years.

Finally one day of happiness, finally the sun shines through. Finally I can say what needs to be said; finally I can return to the place I call home.

I lay down my weapon; I lay down my will to go on fighting. I lay down my life, I lay down my soul and I praise his name out to the sky.

Finally one day of happiness, finally the sun shines through. Finally I can say what needs to be said; finally I can return to the place I call home.

And praise out his name…

The following above is a copyright © of J.N.Oosthuizen